Designers Are Why Drug Lords Are So Rich: Paris Spring 2011 Runway Rundown, Part Un

I'm sure that the two people who read this (that is, me and my cat) are like, "Whaaaaaat? This is supposed to be a blog about man style! Why are you talking about lady clothes? I want an analysis of cravats, not this rubbish, you lying bitch!" Well to be honest, much as I love all things man-style, it is kind of a limited subject, and sometimes I run out of things to say.  So I thought I'd see what was up in the world of lady fashion.   Would you guys be down with that? Oh wait, I don't actually care.  It's happening, bitches!

And don't worry that just because I'm writing a little about lady clothes I'm going to start posting "artistic" pictures of myself posing in different outfits.  Please.  Have a little faith in me.  I would never try to pull shit like that.

ANYWAY, Paris Fashion Week just wrapped up, so let's take a look at the madness that went down the runway:


Vivienne Westwood

 "I'm just so honored to be chosen as Miss Burn Victim USA..." 

You know, one hears a lot about "futuristic chic" on the runway.  But for once we actually have a practical look for the future.  I mean after a nuclear apocalypse, we'll need a way to protect ourselves from inhaling all that poisonous stuff whilst still looking stylish. 

John Galliano

"These looks are not meant for the living, but for the dead.  That's right! Next to your wedding, your funeral is the biggest day of your life (well not life exactly), so it's important to choose your outfit carefully. Wear this to your wake and you'll definitely want an open casket!  You'll be the envy of the living - they'll be crying from grief AND jealousy! This is elegance you'll want to spend eternity in...and you will."

Louis Vuitton
 Marc Jacobs designed this collection, and based on that I thought there was a good chance I'd like this.  I usually like the stuff in the Marc by Marc Jacobs stores, even though the only things in my price range are the lipstick pens and the condoms (seriously does anyone ever buy those? "I'd like to buy this $400 dress and some condoms please." I think it would be more useful if they started including them as a package with the sluttier clothes.).  Anyway my assumption that I would like this collection was dead wrong, although perhaps I should have known, given Marc J's fondness for skirts and horrifying ads.  This one look says it all:

PANDAS? Are you kidding me? Pandas SUCK.  They are the absolute WORST.  Those fat furry bastards sit around all day stuffing their face with bamboo and watching porn.  You know why? The special panda pornography is supposed to get them "in the mood" because they're too fucking LAZY to have sex with each other.  That's why pandas are an endangered species! It's not some gorilla type sitch, where they're being poached and hunted to extinction.  Nope, turns out they just can't be bothered.  We gave them every chance and they've made fuck all of an effort.  Just LET THEM DIE OUT!!!  So yeah, any garment with a panda on it is an automatic failure.