Monday, August 16, 2010

A List of Some Random Shit I Hate

 This is only a list of things I hate within the man-style category.  If it were a list of things I hate in general, it would be so long it would probably break the internet or something.  Because I am some sort of bitter curmudgeon old man with no heart who beats down happiness with a cane of misery.

                                           This is a picture of me.

ANYWAY...the things on this list are serious infractions, but I didn't think they quite merited their own individual posts.  If the man-skirt is the equivalent of homicide, these are maybe like robbery or assault.

1. Man Jewelry.  What's even the point here? Jewelry isn't even adding anything to your appearance.  It's not like some girl is going to be like "I wasn't into you before, but now that you're wearing a necklace, let me take my clothes off!" Earrings, bracelets, rings, necklaces - they all need to go.  You are a man.  You should not be accessorizing your person with items that are jangly, sparkly or shiny.
 There is a reason diamonds are a GIRL's best friend.  Just saying, Marc.  

 2. Mantyhose. Yeah...I don't even know anymore. Apparently, this is a thing that exists.  The men of today demand the freedom to openly wear tights.  I'm sorry.  There is such a thing as too much tolerance! We cannot allow this.  Also, guys, stop trying to steal all our (girls') stuff.  It's just greedy at this point.  I know it seems unfair that we get skirts and makeup and stockings and all that awesome stuff, but when you hook up with hella people, everyone thinks you're cool, not a slut, plus I'm pretty sure there's still that gender wage gap thing, so let's just call it even.

We are just two normal people having a totally normal conversation.

3. Fedoras.

If you want people to think you are a major tool, but you don't want to spend time making an "I'm a tool" sign out of glitter and magic marker, you just need to slap a fedora on your head.  This will get your message across quickly and effectively!
Jason Mraz - Even in drawings it looks toolish.

 One of the JoBros.  You don't need a purity ring with that thing on your head, dude.

 Justin "Bringing tool back" Timberlake

 These people are all tools and they are all wearing fedoras.  Coincidence? I THINK NOT, my friends. 
Look, there's even a facebook group about it:

(Also note my sad but typical lack of notifications.)

 If you know someone involved in any of this stuff, don't be afraid to pull an intervention.  And if you yourself are wearing any of these items, just put down the man jewelry/mantyhose/fedora and we'll get through this together.

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