Saturday, April 24, 2010

Prom: Keepin' It Klassy

I love prama.* But just as important as whom you ask is what you wear. Guys probably think that this doesn’t apply to them, but they should actually pay careful attention. Because on prom night most guys end up looking like stiff, awkward mannequins dressed in the dregs of the Men’s Warehouse bargain bin (I can guarantee that I don’t like the way you look). Just look at any prom album on Facebook and you’ll see what I mean.
And when it comes down to it, the traditional tux or three-piece suit is just boring and stale. Instead, I think the best choice is a super-slim black suit, with skinny pants and a skinny black tie. Complete the look with a pair of pointy black oxfords. This look is edgy while still remaining tasteful, and it looks cool without looking like you tried too hard. And it’s guaranteed to get you laid! Kidding. But it will get you major style points…which is just as good, right?
Dior Homme knows what I’m talking about:
(minus the girl-in-a-1920s-orphanage haircut, natch)
Topman offers some more affordable but still excellent choices:
Basic Rules for Prom Wear
  1. If you’re deciding between a vest and a cumberbund, go with the vest. No contest. Yeah, cumberbund is fun to say, and it sounds a bit like “cucumber.” But let’s be honest, they are kind of creepy and old-mannish. They also draw attention to your stomach, which is never flattering, especially if you’re a bit paunchy.
  2. Don’t coordinate with your date. Grown-up, or almost grown-up, people should never match, especially if they are romantically involved. The only people allowed to match are twins, and then only if they are under 6, okay? You really shouldn’t be dressed in any colors besides black and white, anyway.
  3. Slouch a little when you’re wearing a suit. It makes it look more natural. You don’t want it to look like the suit is wearing you.
  4. Don’t be that guy who thinks it would be “hilarious” to come in a 70s style tux, complete with ruffled shirt. Everyone hates that guy.
*Actually, I just love any kind of drama. I feel like I have to hide this a lot, though. Someone will be like “Don’t you hate all this drama going on?” and I’ll be like, “Yeah totally, why can’t everyone just chill out,” when really I’m thinking, “Are you kidding me? This is so exciting!”

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