Menswear Fall 2011 Runway Rundown: The Madness

Men's Fashion Week just wrapped up you guys! I didn't even realize it was going on because I was in a state of drunken oblivion! Worst style blogger ever? Pretty much.  Anyway it turns out that the fall collections are (sadly) less batshit insane than the spring collection (drugs shortage?) but don't worry there's still enough crazy to go around:

                                                    John Galliano
I think we're all hoping our Valentine's Days will look like this.  Nothing says romance like a dozen red roses...and an enormous animal carcass on your head.

                                                   Givenchy
What if Andy Warhol had spent less time silk screening Campell's soup cans and more time silk screening sweatshirts with dog faces...that would have been way better, right? No? Are you sure?

 

Jean Paul Gaultier 

 Because what's sexier than flashing some man leg? Answer: Everything. 

                                                   Thom Brown
I would legitimately LOVE to see someone wear this.   It looks like what Willy Wonka would wear to go hunting and it is awesome.  What really makes it, in my opinion, is the cane.  I think it's time to bring back canes as a fashion accessory - they've been monopolized by the old and the blind for TOO LONG! What's great about canes is how many uses they have - you can lean on them for support, twirl them, beat people with them, etc.  Like imagine how much easier it would be to maneuver through a crowd when you have a cane.  Nothing says "get out of my way, bitches" like a few swift blows from a cane. 

Seriously? Like, not to be a bitch (kidding.  I am always trying to be a bitch) but is EVERYONE allowed to be a model now? Or did one of their models die last minute and they saw this guy on a bench outside feeding pigeons and were like "Hey old man, can you do us a favor?"

P.S. OMG  I just invented the greatest (questionable claim)  new words! GUYLE/GUYLISH.  Like as in GUY + STYLE (GET IT?). Yes? No? What? You're wincing in pain as I destroy the English language?

Please Tell Me You're Joking: Spring 2011 Runway Rundown, Part Deux

Don't worry, we'll get back to making fun of man clothes soon (as if you actually care.  Well, my cat, noted connoisseur of man-style Mr. Pickles, was starting to fret.).  But meanwhile, here's another batch of straight-up crazy from Paris fashion week.

Speaking of fashion shows and such, did I ever tell you guys I used to really wish I were a model? (DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK! that "bitch, please, have you met a mirror?" look.)  Eating disorders, shmeating disorders, it looked like the best thing ever: wearing pretty clothes and going to parties, and no more school and having to do complicated math or whatever.  Sadly I'm like 5'5" and inhale ice cream 24/7, so there was little chance of that dream coming true (Other dreams that are still intact: marrying a duke, buying Versailles, not dying ever.  Come on, IT COULD TOTALLY HAPPEN...I mean, as long as you believe in yourself...)

Designers Are Why Drug Lords Are So Rich: Paris Spring 2011 Runway Rundown, Part Un

I'm sure that the two people who read this (that is, me and my cat) are like, "Whaaaaaat? This is supposed to be a blog about man style! Why are you talking about lady clothes? I want an analysis of cravats, not this rubbish, you lying bitch!" Well to be honest, much as I love all things man-style, it is kind of a limited subject, and sometimes I run out of things to say.  So I thought I'd see what was up in the world of lady fashion.   Would you guys be down with that? Oh wait, I don't actually care.  It's happening, bitches!

And don't worry that just because I'm writing a little about lady clothes I'm going to start posting "artistic" pictures of myself posing in different outfits.  Please.  Have a little faith in me.  I would never try to pull shit like that.

ANYWAY, Paris Fashion Week just wrapped up, so let's take a look at the madness that went down the runway:

High Fashion Hijinks: Spring 2011 Runway Rundown, Part Trois

You don't even need me, really.  The pictures kind of speak for themselves.
 
Alexis Mabille:

This looks like what would happen if one of the lost boys was like "fuck this shit" once Wendy showed up and ruined everything so he bounced to go join a crazy pagan cult where they sacrifice goats and dance around fires and stuff.  I still would though.

High Fashion Hijinks: Runway Rundown Spring 2011, Part Deux

More delightful looks from the various shit-shows!

Romain Kremer:
 

That old ho Burt better watch the fuck out, because there's a new bee-keeping bitch in town, and he's showing everyone how it's done.  Keeping bees doesn't mean wearing some old hat your grandpa wears fishing and a filthy beard crusted with honey, you need to seduce the bees with a sensuous shimmering folds of your veil and a sexy diva hat.

High Fashion Hijinks: Runway Rundown Spring 2011, Part Un

Fashion week for spring 2011 menswear collections wrapped up recently so let's take a look at what went down the runways in Paris and Milan! This stuff is important, you guys! You kids today just don't care enough about current events and the issues that affect our world, like the changing width of men's suit lapels.

Quick sidenote: doesn't this seem ridiculously early to be thinking about spring of 2011? Honestly, guys, I hadn't finished processing that spring 2010 had even happened.  Like, one minute it was freezing cold winter and you're doing all this cough syrup and then one day you wake up surrounded by old Chinese take-out containers and empty bottles of rum and it's freaking April...

Anyway, first up, Jean-Paul Gaultier: